Lies.

It is something we all do. Something that no matter how great we might think we are, we still choose to do. We lie to make ourselves feel better.
"No I didn't steal that gum"
"No I didn't sleep with that person"
"I have never done drugs"
"I don't know who broke the lamp"
In hindsight it seems silly. Our parents try to instill in us that it is bad to lie. But, the truth is that they themselves lie constantly. You could call it human nature I guess. The thing that no one realizes or they disregard is that one lie or deceitful moment can end great relationships. Break the greatest bonds of trust and hurt feelings beyond measure. Now, I am not any type of saint. I've lied and decieved to get many things. To cover my tracks or even to cover another person's tracks. The thing that I finally realized today though, is that no matter how you justify it, A LIE IS AND WILL ALWAYS BE A LIE! There simply is no reason for it. If you really look at the bigger picture you can see that you aren't protecting anyone including yourself when you do it. There may be a 1 in 10 chance that you will get away with it, but eventually the truth comes out and the pain and the hurt escalates to top levels. If you were to be honest in the beginning the consequences and reaction might be bad, but the honesty you showed would make the blow lesser and the anger would eventually go away. People let things go a lot easier if you are just completely honest and truthful. I am hoping that now I can be as honest and truthful to everyone and by doing so get people to do the same. We all know "The truth always comes out" but why does it have to be found?

Take me back...

Recently, I have redownloaded all the albums of my favorite band. I know every song, word for word. I can place each song to a moment in my life. Every word transporting me back to the moments that they were essentially a part of. Some songs stir up the painful memories of heartbreak, depression, and anger. Others make me smile and remember the great times. Listening to all these songs got me thinking today about how things can change so drastically over time. But, no matter the outcome, that songs can take you back to the precise minutes of that time. Helping you remember where it is you''ve been.
Many of the people I associate these songs with are no longer apart of my life. All of the people though, no matter our current status, could probably associate the same feelings I have with this music.
It was a wild time. We were learning to live and learning how to be people in this big world. Mistakes were made but, so were memories that I wouldn't change. Not every moment in your life will be picture perfect. And that's what makes it beautiful and ugly at the same time. I can now look back and fondly think of these times without dwelling on the things I would have done different. We all live with "regret" or something that we would have changed. I certainly think of those from time to time. But, I've learned to just let it pass. The past is the past and everything I have become is because of those moments that happened. I am eternally greatful, though, for all music.  Otherwise, I might forget where I'm from, where I've been, and who I am becoming. Memories often fade unless they are attached to something that means a great deal. To me these songs mean a great deal.

New Year, New Beginnings...

I sit here thinking about all of the things that lead me to this moment. All the fights, laughter, tears, and smiles. Every moment I made a good or bad decision. Somehow all of those things changed the path my life was taking and now I am back to where my adulthood began. The place where a naive boy, just barely 18, began his journey. I never could have imagined me back in this place. 7 years changes a lot of things. People change, life changes. I wouldn't have it any other way I suppose. I've been lucky enough to obtain what most would call the "American Dream". A job, vehicle, roof over my head, college education, food in my belly, and a never ending pile of bills.
When I first decided to interview for a promotion I honestly didn't even know if I was ready. In the back of my head I kept telling myself I wasn't. A casualty of my generation. Self loathing and self conscious all in one mind. For some reason I did it anyway, paying no mind to what I or anyone else thought. When I didn't hear anything for over a week I came to the conclusion that this wasn't my time. I told myself That everything would work out eventually. To my surprise, a week later, I got a call telling me that I had gotten the job. On one hand I was ecstatic. Finally I had proven myself to everyone, including my own worst enemy...me. But, I still couldn't help but begin to think in a negative manner. Like "Do I really want this", "Do I want to move to Wyoming, again", and "Can I even do this?!". All these emotions collided in my brain like a tornado ripping through a house. I honestly couldn't even think straight. The week that followed I felt cloudy in my mind.
So much going on in such a small space. Before I knew it I was only a few days away from moving. Suddenly reality hit and my list of to do's became a thousand miles long and time was not in my side.
I was lucky enough to just barely get all my ducks in a row the day before I left. We partied hard that night. Everyone coming out to wish me good luck. It was a great send off from all the people that lived close enough to share love and support in person. Finally, after many days of fretting, it was time to leave. Truck was packed and full of gas. I had cash in my pocket and a full pack of smokes. I was on my way to the beginning of a New adventure. My old stomping grounds had blossomed into this new and exciting place full of undiscovered things just waiting to happen. All I can do now is take it one day at a time.